Fun, Fun, FUN way to use grammar in school...DANCE!
via Teaching Channel
Four Stages of Lesson:
1) Whole Group Shared Writing
2) Collaborative Writing in Pairs
3) Developing Ideas in Groups
4) Performance and Participation
Watch and Enjoy! (13:33)
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Teaching Grammar in Elementary School
https://www.teachingchannel.org/videos/teaching-grammar-with-dance?fd=1
Four Stages of Lesson:
1) Whole Group Shared Writing
2) Collaborative Writing in Pairs
3) Developing Ideas in Groups
4) Performance and Participation
Four Stages of Lesson:
1) Whole Group Shared Writing
2) Collaborative Writing in Pairs
3) Developing Ideas in Groups
4) Performance and Participation
Leading Calmly...
via Smart Classroom Management
simply effective tips and strategies
5 Ways To Be A Calmer, More Effective Teacher
Your temperament has a strong impact on student behavior.
If you have a tendency to become tense, stressed, or uptight around your students, then they’re far more likely to misbehave.
Because a tightly wound teacher translates to a tension-filled classroom—the kind of tension visitors can feel tingling in their sensory receptors the moment they enter your classroom.
And make no mistake. Tension is bad for classroom management, causing students to become excitable, unfocused, and primed to cause trouble.
The good news is that it isn’t difficult to change.
It isn’t difficult to approach each new day of teaching with a calm, unruffled sense of purpose—dissipating tension like a lifting fog reveals a sunny day.
Here’s how:
Decide.
Maintaining a calm attitude throughout your teaching day is a choice you make before your students arrive. So every day, sometime prior to the morning bell, give yourself a moment of peace to sit quietly at your desk. Take a few deep breaths and relax into your chair.
Now decide that no matter what happens that day, no matter how crazy or how alarming, you will not lose your composure. And guess what? You won’t. This technique, employed by scores of professional athletes, seems almost too easy. But it’s remarkably, inexplicably effective.
Slow down.
By slowing your movements to an easier-going, more graceful pace, your mind will slow down as well—becoming less distracted, more observant, and better able to respond to your students.
You don’t have to move like a Tai Chi master or in any way dampen your enthusiasm. It’s more of a reminder not to get caught up frenetically shuffling papers, pacing a groove in the floor, or racing mindlessly from one task to another—as so many teachers are wont to do.
Speak calmly.
When giving directions, providing information, and responding to your students, it pays to speak calmly. It soothes nervous energy, helps students focus on you and your message, and gives them confidence that what you say is important and worth listening to.
During lessons, however, all bets are off. You might find yourself whispering with wide-eyed fascination one moment and giving an oration like James Earl Jones the next. Calmness on inside doesn’t mean passionless or moribund on the outside.
Breathe.
It’s remarkable what a few long, slow breaths can do. Almost immediately, blood pressure drops, your expression softens, and tension drains from your body. By taking a couple of deep breaths every hour, you’ll exhale the tension and excitability right out of your classroom.
Oxygen provides vital energy and brainpower. And when you become aware of your breathing, you’ll not only calm your own nerves, sharpen your mental acuity, and brighten your state of mind, but you’ll become a calming, centering influence on your students.
Prepare.
You may have heard it said that it’s physically impossible to be nervous if your body remains relaxed. This may be true, but far it’s easier said than done. Relax the mind, however, and the body is sure to follow.
A simple, real-world way to do this is to be mentally prepared. Take a couple minutes to review your lesson plans. Visualize how the day will proceed. See yourself responding to your students with poise, dignity, and calm assuredness.
Excitability in students is a major source of misbehavior, and in nearly every circumstance, teachers are to blame.
Perpetually busy, racing thoughts, under the gun, unsure, unprepared, stressed-out. These common teacher behaviors create tension in the classroom and push students’ buttons like almost nothing else.
It makes them feel like they’re forever clicking to the top of a roller coaster, anticipating a drop that never comes. They can’t sit still. They can’t pay attention. And all they want to do is squirm, chat, play, and roughhouse . . . anything but listen to you.
But you have the power to fix it. You have the power to calm the stirred waters of your classroom. It takes nothing more than a new way of thinking—a simple turn of the wheel, a change of direction.
And it’s smooth sailing ahead.
simply effective tips and strategies
5 Ways To Be A Calmer, More Effective Teacher
Your temperament has a strong impact on student behavior.
If you have a tendency to become tense, stressed, or uptight around your students, then they’re far more likely to misbehave.
Because a tightly wound teacher translates to a tension-filled classroom—the kind of tension visitors can feel tingling in their sensory receptors the moment they enter your classroom.
And make no mistake. Tension is bad for classroom management, causing students to become excitable, unfocused, and primed to cause trouble.
The good news is that it isn’t difficult to change.
It isn’t difficult to approach each new day of teaching with a calm, unruffled sense of purpose—dissipating tension like a lifting fog reveals a sunny day.
Here’s how:
Decide.
Maintaining a calm attitude throughout your teaching day is a choice you make before your students arrive. So every day, sometime prior to the morning bell, give yourself a moment of peace to sit quietly at your desk. Take a few deep breaths and relax into your chair.
Now decide that no matter what happens that day, no matter how crazy or how alarming, you will not lose your composure. And guess what? You won’t. This technique, employed by scores of professional athletes, seems almost too easy. But it’s remarkably, inexplicably effective.
Slow down.
By slowing your movements to an easier-going, more graceful pace, your mind will slow down as well—becoming less distracted, more observant, and better able to respond to your students.
You don’t have to move like a Tai Chi master or in any way dampen your enthusiasm. It’s more of a reminder not to get caught up frenetically shuffling papers, pacing a groove in the floor, or racing mindlessly from one task to another—as so many teachers are wont to do.
Speak calmly.
When giving directions, providing information, and responding to your students, it pays to speak calmly. It soothes nervous energy, helps students focus on you and your message, and gives them confidence that what you say is important and worth listening to.
During lessons, however, all bets are off. You might find yourself whispering with wide-eyed fascination one moment and giving an oration like James Earl Jones the next. Calmness on inside doesn’t mean passionless or moribund on the outside.
Breathe.
It’s remarkable what a few long, slow breaths can do. Almost immediately, blood pressure drops, your expression softens, and tension drains from your body. By taking a couple of deep breaths every hour, you’ll exhale the tension and excitability right out of your classroom.
Oxygen provides vital energy and brainpower. And when you become aware of your breathing, you’ll not only calm your own nerves, sharpen your mental acuity, and brighten your state of mind, but you’ll become a calming, centering influence on your students.
Prepare.
You may have heard it said that it’s physically impossible to be nervous if your body remains relaxed. This may be true, but far it’s easier said than done. Relax the mind, however, and the body is sure to follow.
A simple, real-world way to do this is to be mentally prepared. Take a couple minutes to review your lesson plans. Visualize how the day will proceed. See yourself responding to your students with poise, dignity, and calm assuredness.
Calming Waters
Perpetually busy, racing thoughts, under the gun, unsure, unprepared, stressed-out. These common teacher behaviors create tension in the classroom and push students’ buttons like almost nothing else.
It makes them feel like they’re forever clicking to the top of a roller coaster, anticipating a drop that never comes. They can’t sit still. They can’t pay attention. And all they want to do is squirm, chat, play, and roughhouse . . . anything but listen to you.
But you have the power to fix it. You have the power to calm the stirred waters of your classroom. It takes nothing more than a new way of thinking—a simple turn of the wheel, a change of direction.
And it’s smooth sailing ahead.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Building Self-Confidence in Children via Parenting Skills
Parent Do-Overs: 7 Confidence Building Responses
1. Crying
Instead of “Don’t cry”, “Shhhh”, “You’re okay”, “Okay, that’s enough now”, “It’s alright, nothing happened”…
Non-judgmentally acknowledge the child’s response and the incident that caused it. “Ouch, that hurt you when you bumped into the wall.” Or “oh, you are very upset that the dog barked.” Or “You are having a hard time relaxing your body. I hear you.” Then allow the child all the time he or she needs to finish crying with your full support.
Encouraging children to express their feelings is the key to fostering emotional health. No matter how unreasonable our child’s reaction seems, he or she needs it to be accepted. Remember, even adults can’t control emotional reactions, but young children are not capable of controlling the manner in which they express them, either. Discouraging the feelings or responding impatiently invalidates the child. When you’re feeling impatient with a tantruming toddler, stay present, relax and imagine all the future therapy bills you’re saving.
2. Minor accidents
Instead of running over to the child and scooping him up in a panic…
Take a moment to observe his response. If he cries, go close to him as calmly as possible, ask if wants you to pick him up, acknowledge what happened (as explained above) and his feelings about it.
When we respond frantically, we startle our child, which can make him fearful or cause him to become upset when he might have quickly recovered and continued playing. Our little ones are very tuned into us and benefit greatly when we can trust their competence. Allowing children to recover autonomously whenever they are able to fosters self-confidence and resiliency, gives them an opportunity to try to understand what happened and learn something from the experience.
3. Praise
Instead of “good job”, “That’s beautiful”, “You are so smart!” or a big round of applause…
You might say, “Thank you for helping me!” “You did it all by yourself!” “You pulled the plastic beads apart. That was hard!” “You struggled and struggled, but you didn’t give up.” “You must be proud of yourself.” Add specifics so your child knows you’ve been paying attention (and to aid language development).
These responses encourage children to own their accomplishments, protect intrinsic motivation, and are less likely to train kids to depend on others for validation.
4. Encouragement when a child is struggling
Instead of “you can do it!”
“I hear you getting frustrated, but you’re almost there.” “This is hard work you’re doing!” “I’m here and I won’t let you fall, but it is safer for you to climb down yourself. Try placing one foot on the bar below.”
“You can do it” can be perceived as pressure and make the child think he’s disappointed us if he ends up not being able to do it. Giving a little verbal instruction helps children learn to get down safely after they have climbed onto something. Children usually can do this themselves, but by taking them down, rather than just spotting and providing verbal support, we lead them to believe they can’t.
5. Undesirable behavior
Instead of distracting, coaxing, bribing, shaming, scolding, punishing…
Handle with care, confidence, respect, brevity (save the lectures for another time). Whenever possible, acknowledge the child’s point of view. “You wanted ___.” Give a brief instruction (and an option if possible). “I can’t/won’t let you ___. That’s not safe” (or “It’s not time for that now”, etc.). “But you can ___.” Physically block the behavior if necessary. Acknowledge again. “I know you wanted ___ and I wouldn’t let you. That’s upsetting.”
Infants and toddlers need help managing their immature impulses and understanding our boundaries. They are not bad kids who need to be reprimanded, punished or “taught a lesson”. The most vital lesson they must learn is that their parents are always in their corner (rather than sending them off to one), and that we will calmly, consistently and patiently remind them of the family rules and prevent them from harming us or themselves. When we do this, children learn our expectations and internalize them with amazing proficiency.
6. Sharing
Instead of telling babies and young toddlers they must share or take turns…
Observe closely and calmly reflect (or ‘sportscast’) the situation and allow it to unfold. “Justin, you are holding the ball and Meredith wants it, too. Now Meredith has the ball.” Or, “Meredith are you asking Justin for the ball? Justin seems to be saying he wants to keep it for now. Maybe when he’s done. “
Infants and toddlers commonly socialize by taking and (less often) giving toys. From the child’s perspective it’s as if the toys suddenly come alive and become interesting when another baby is holding them. When we allow children to connect with and learn from each other this way, they may react negatively in the moment, but they are usually quite capable of working it out without our intervention. The big clue to the child’s perspective? After these little play tussles have ended, the desired toy is almost always left behind, no longer of interest to either child.
7. Learning language
Instead of correcting toddlers when they mispronounce words or use them incorrectly (for example, they call green “yellow” or a rabbit “a dog”)…
Don’t. It takes courage to speak words for the first time. Encourage your child to speak by treating him with the same respect you would a foreigner trying out English. If the child mispronounces a word, we can respond in a manner that provides a gentle correction. In other words, when your child points to the rabbit and says “bobby”, you could reply, “I see the rabbit, too!” If the child points to the rabbit and says “dog”, you could say honestly, “Yes, I see! That looks like a dog.”
When children begin using language, they are only able to say a fraction of the words they know. Chances are they know the difference between a rabbit and a dog but just aren’t able to express that yet. Trusting and supporting your child’s process means allowing him to be “right” as much as possible. And don’t forget to enjoy (and log!) your child’s creative use of language while it lasts.
Cut, print, that’s a wrap.
Posted by janet lansbury on Feb 9th, 2012
If parenting were film acting, we’d always be brilliant because we’d have plenty of “takes” to perfect our responses (not to mention make-up, hair styling and ridiculously high salaries). But we are playing a part — the role of a lifetime for a lifetime. Luckily, we perform for an adoring, forgiving audience, and our children will usually accept our less thoughtful, less than stellar performances. In fact, even our bloopers can be blessings, because they teach kids the invaluable lesson that mistakes are okay since even superstars like their parents make them.
Here are a few of my “Take 2” suggestions for handling common infant and toddler situations and some of the reasoning behind them…1. Crying
Instead of “Don’t cry”, “Shhhh”, “You’re okay”, “Okay, that’s enough now”, “It’s alright, nothing happened”…
Non-judgmentally acknowledge the child’s response and the incident that caused it. “Ouch, that hurt you when you bumped into the wall.” Or “oh, you are very upset that the dog barked.” Or “You are having a hard time relaxing your body. I hear you.” Then allow the child all the time he or she needs to finish crying with your full support.
Encouraging children to express their feelings is the key to fostering emotional health. No matter how unreasonable our child’s reaction seems, he or she needs it to be accepted. Remember, even adults can’t control emotional reactions, but young children are not capable of controlling the manner in which they express them, either. Discouraging the feelings or responding impatiently invalidates the child. When you’re feeling impatient with a tantruming toddler, stay present, relax and imagine all the future therapy bills you’re saving.
2. Minor accidents
Instead of running over to the child and scooping him up in a panic…
Take a moment to observe his response. If he cries, go close to him as calmly as possible, ask if wants you to pick him up, acknowledge what happened (as explained above) and his feelings about it.
When we respond frantically, we startle our child, which can make him fearful or cause him to become upset when he might have quickly recovered and continued playing. Our little ones are very tuned into us and benefit greatly when we can trust their competence. Allowing children to recover autonomously whenever they are able to fosters self-confidence and resiliency, gives them an opportunity to try to understand what happened and learn something from the experience.
3. Praise
Instead of “good job”, “That’s beautiful”, “You are so smart!” or a big round of applause…
You might say, “Thank you for helping me!” “You did it all by yourself!” “You pulled the plastic beads apart. That was hard!” “You struggled and struggled, but you didn’t give up.” “You must be proud of yourself.” Add specifics so your child knows you’ve been paying attention (and to aid language development).
These responses encourage children to own their accomplishments, protect intrinsic motivation, and are less likely to train kids to depend on others for validation.
4. Encouragement when a child is struggling
Instead of “you can do it!”
“I hear you getting frustrated, but you’re almost there.” “This is hard work you’re doing!” “I’m here and I won’t let you fall, but it is safer for you to climb down yourself. Try placing one foot on the bar below.”
“You can do it” can be perceived as pressure and make the child think he’s disappointed us if he ends up not being able to do it. Giving a little verbal instruction helps children learn to get down safely after they have climbed onto something. Children usually can do this themselves, but by taking them down, rather than just spotting and providing verbal support, we lead them to believe they can’t.
5. Undesirable behavior
Instead of distracting, coaxing, bribing, shaming, scolding, punishing…
Handle with care, confidence, respect, brevity (save the lectures for another time). Whenever possible, acknowledge the child’s point of view. “You wanted ___.” Give a brief instruction (and an option if possible). “I can’t/won’t let you ___. That’s not safe” (or “It’s not time for that now”, etc.). “But you can ___.” Physically block the behavior if necessary. Acknowledge again. “I know you wanted ___ and I wouldn’t let you. That’s upsetting.”
Infants and toddlers need help managing their immature impulses and understanding our boundaries. They are not bad kids who need to be reprimanded, punished or “taught a lesson”. The most vital lesson they must learn is that their parents are always in their corner (rather than sending them off to one), and that we will calmly, consistently and patiently remind them of the family rules and prevent them from harming us or themselves. When we do this, children learn our expectations and internalize them with amazing proficiency.
6. Sharing
Instead of telling babies and young toddlers they must share or take turns…
Observe closely and calmly reflect (or ‘sportscast’) the situation and allow it to unfold. “Justin, you are holding the ball and Meredith wants it, too. Now Meredith has the ball.” Or, “Meredith are you asking Justin for the ball? Justin seems to be saying he wants to keep it for now. Maybe when he’s done. “
Infants and toddlers commonly socialize by taking and (less often) giving toys. From the child’s perspective it’s as if the toys suddenly come alive and become interesting when another baby is holding them. When we allow children to connect with and learn from each other this way, they may react negatively in the moment, but they are usually quite capable of working it out without our intervention. The big clue to the child’s perspective? After these little play tussles have ended, the desired toy is almost always left behind, no longer of interest to either child.
7. Learning language
Instead of correcting toddlers when they mispronounce words or use them incorrectly (for example, they call green “yellow” or a rabbit “a dog”)…
Don’t. It takes courage to speak words for the first time. Encourage your child to speak by treating him with the same respect you would a foreigner trying out English. If the child mispronounces a word, we can respond in a manner that provides a gentle correction. In other words, when your child points to the rabbit and says “bobby”, you could reply, “I see the rabbit, too!” If the child points to the rabbit and says “dog”, you could say honestly, “Yes, I see! That looks like a dog.”
When children begin using language, they are only able to say a fraction of the words they know. Chances are they know the difference between a rabbit and a dog but just aren’t able to express that yet. Trusting and supporting your child’s process means allowing him to be “right” as much as possible. And don’t forget to enjoy (and log!) your child’s creative use of language while it lasts.
Cut, print, that’s a wrap.
Qualities of Good School Administrators
By Megan Allen, Special to CNNEditor’s Note: Megan Allen is a National Board Certified Teacher, 2010 Department of Education/Macy’s Teacher of the Year and a finalist for 2010 National Teacher of the Year. She is also a member of the Hillsborough County New Millennium Initiative, an initiative of the Center for Teaching Quality.
As a professional educator and a teacher leader involved in dialogue about effective education reform, one thing is blaringly evident: At the school level, administration makes all the difference in the world.
When you walk through the doors, you can feel it. You observe how the teachers walk with a lilt in their step, you witness it in the priceless faces of the students. But it’s left me wondering, why all this talk about teacher evaluation? It seems that a much more efficient first move would be to focus on the administrators. Great administrators have the ability to inspire the faculty to push themselves to greatness, finding time and support to do so. A great administrator can build even stronger teachers, while a not-so-hot administrator can make a staff of amazing teachers wilt.
That being said, I’m placing a want ad for an administrator. I’m currently accepting applications. Please read the requirements below:
1. Be visible.
In our classrooms, in the hallway, in the community. Shake hands–get out there. Be the lifeblood of our school and the first welcoming face children see as they stroll into our halls.
2. Put people first.
We may need to think outside the box, err, office on this one. Let’s hire office administrators from outside education to take care of office-related duties that principals are swamped with. This will free time for you to focus on the people in your building.
3. Make our school comfortable and inviting.
Don’t be afraid to make our workplace a home environment. Make people feel welcome. How about a staff member right at the door, greeting all who enter? Or students who open the door for students and families in the morning? These little touches will make us all want to be there even more.
4. Show appreciation.
Make your faculty and students feel valued, and not just based on successes with student test scores. I’m talking about celebrating all students’ moments, like “Johnny learned how to button his jacket on his own today.” There are so many precious moments of small and mighty victories. Our students need to be celebrated for these, as does our staff.
5. Forge creative partnerships.
We need schools that are true centers of the community, that offer social structures that will support our students’ needs for medical and dental care, food, after-school programs, training for parents on how to advocate for their children, and other services so we can get down to the business of teaching in our classrooms.
6. Be bold.
Let’s try out innovative programs and ideas. Trust and support your faculty when they come to you with out-of-the-box thinking. Let’s take some calculated and student-centered chances, believing that we must try something different if we are going to help all children succeed.
7. Be trusting.
Let your teachers do their jobs. We don’t need a scripted set of expensive books to teach students how to read - we are professionals who can use classroom data to make decisions. Let us be the professionals that we are. Give us autonomy to make our own decisions based on the standards and our deep knowledge of our students.
8. Love your job.
Love kids. A school is not a business. There are so many more layers, and it is much more complex. Our focus is changing students’ lives with the power of education. You must love kids and be willing to fight for them.
9. Give us time.
We want to fine-tune our craft as teachers so we can be better for our students. But we need time away from kids. I know this seems counterintuitive, but we need collaborative time to peer coach, lesson plan, lesson study and grow as learners. In Finland, teachers have time to do this, to focus on the craft of teaching. Educators in this top-performing country are in the classroom 600 hours a year, compared to our average in the United States of 1,000. I crave time to grow.
10. Join us in our classrooms.
I’m looking for a principal who will jump into my classroom and co-teach with me, who offers to teach on occasion so I can focus on professional development with my peers. I want an instructional leader who yearns to be with students and doesn’t want to lose touch with the reason we all do what we do: children.
11. Inspire me.
This is a biggie for me, the most important. I want someone who will push me to get better and who will provide support to help me get there. I want someone who is so passionate it spills over into every classroom in the school.
As I read over my want ad, a smile spreads across my freckled face. I know you’re out there. I can’t wait to work with you. I look forward to our time together with OUR children, where we work hand-in-hand and change lives, one student at a time.
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Megan Allen.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Parenting a Child of Character
How To Raise a Child of Character
Some children barely stop for a moment to consider their own feelings or another’s feelings, and how their choices impact others. But, a child that is a) interested in the thoughts of others, b) shows empathy, c) has the skill to express her thoughts with words instead of “acts out” her feelings (e.g., misbehaves), and d) has the ability to negotiate with words, can compromise, and has a positive sense of self, is less likely to make intentionally hurtful choices towards another; she is less likely to be a bully. In essence, a child that exhibits the aforementioned skills is on the road towards being a person of character.
There is a direct connection between a child’s lack of empathy, a lack of taking ownership of his own actions, and a lack of communication skills. Your child’s ability to communicate in a healthy interactive manner that reflects good character should include sharing his feelings in a style that acknowledges the other with whom he dialogues, caring about and being interested in the other person’s thoughts and being interested in trying to understand his own thoughts.
The selfishness of being wrapped up in himself and what he needs emotionally, rather than considering not only what another child needs but also how his own actions affect another’s life experience, can be changed, taught, learned, and improved. It is our job as parents to teach and model those lessons.
Having great character includes caring for and about one’s self and others. This can be a “both/and” experience rather than an “either/or” life philosophy. Parenting absolutely impacts children’s development of character!
Here are four important life skills for your child to develop that will play a significant role in building his character:
1. Show empathy
2. Have the ability to compromise and negotiate
3. Take ownership of one’s own actions
4. Express one’s feelings and wants with words rather than with impulsive behavioral reactions
Empathy
In an effort to help your child develop empathy, teach him that “What the other person does says more about him than it does about you.”Teach your child this statement about others and help him to understand what it means by offering concrete examples to which he can relate. Then, to make sure he really understands this concept, ask him to share with you an example that proves this statement is true.
For an example, your son tells you that a schoolmate, John (who used to socialize a lot with your son), now excludes him whenever his is playing with his other friend, Mark, and John is more aggressive in school lately. In addition, your son has noticed that Mark’s mother often drives John home.
Help your son examine the different reasons why John may be excluding him and being aggressive. Perhaps John’s mom cannot pick him up from school because she has to work more hours and Mark’s mom is doing John’s mom a favor. Perhaps John is angry and hurt that his mother is not as available or attentive as she used to be and he therefore is attaching himself more onto Mark since he feels like that is who is helping him through this painful time right now. Perhaps John is struggling sharing Mark and being inclusive because he feels the stability in his life is threatened and does not know how to communicate this feeling of instability with words; instead he acts out his feelings of instability and insecurity. Or, perhaps John’s aggressive behavior is also a result of his hurt feelings. Explore with your son what feelings he may have about John and whether his reaction to John’s behavior may be different based on this new perspective.
Compromise and Negotiation
In an effort to help your child develop the ability to compromise and negotiate, provide her with the “proud technique.” Communicate the following types of statements: “I’m so proud of you when you ______. Are you proud of yourself?” and “When you _______ it must make you not feel so good about your choices. Next time what are other options so you can feel great about your choices and who you are? What can you say to your friend? That is a great plan, I will be so proud of you when you _________ and I see you’ll be proud of yourself when you __________.”Sharing that you are proud of your daughter helps develop her sense of self-worth. Also, exploring your child’s options with her of what she can do when she is not being her best is respectful. By sharing with her that both you and she will be proud when she implements positive behaviors relays that you believe she will.
Use examples that are in sync and fit with your child’s life that include themes such as negotiation with other children, compromise, and taking turns as it applies to the proud technique. If you teach your child how to handle these social interactions by offering healthy options, then she will have a toolbox to use when situations arise that include challenging negotiations. This instills the skills to negotiate and compromise rather than express her wants through controlling and disrespectful methods that can lead to bullying.
Ownership
It is important to teach your child to take ownership of his behavior, as his skill impacts his choices and thoughts about himself and others. When he takes ownership of his actions and words, he can choose to grow, enhance, improve, and not blame others for what he needs to improve upon.The following statement to share with your child is a “self-talk technique” he can use when he feels frustrated, hurt, angry, sad, disappointed, or any other emotion with regards to someone else’s actions and/or any event that causes emotional distress, “I cannot control another’s behavior or words. What I can do is control my reaction to another and my own choices and actions.”
In an effort to feel in control of one’s self, which is an important part of character development, teach your child to use the “self-talk technique” in times when he should remind himself not to react impulsively or behaviorally, and rather to think first before he reacts, thereby being in control of his actions.
Words
Teach your child to use her words to share her feelings and opinions instead of “acting out” her feelings with her negative behavior.Teach your child the following communication script to use when she interacts with you and with her peers. “When you ______, it makes me feel _____. When I feel _____, it makes me want to ________. Instead, I will _________, and hope _________.” (For example, “When you whisper to Mary and laugh, it makes me feel embarrassed. When I feel embarrassed, it makes me want to push you. Instead, I will go have fun with Laura, and hope that we can work it out and be friends.”)
Remember, on your parenting journey what you say and do matter immensely, and you play a significant role in your child’s character development.
APA ReferenceKaren Ruskin, PsyD, LMFT. (2012). How To Raise a Child of Character. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 7, 2012, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/how-to-raise-a-child-of-character/
Monday, March 5, 2012
Lessons in Optimism: "I Know About the Bad, But I Look at the Good Thing"
Anthony Robbins interviewing 108 year old woman survivor of a Nazi concentration camp
A Letter From Parents of Special Needs Children
Dear School Personnel, Community Members, Teachers, Parents and Neighbors
Posted by Marianne, Life Unexpected: Raising a Special Needs Child BLOG
To Whom it May Concern,
I am the parent of a special needs child. I was overwhelmed, confused, heart broken and struggling to unravel the complexities before me.
Please do not pass judgement of me without knowing why I did not attend the school PTA breakfasts or community picnics. Please take a few minutes to understand why I did not take you up on your offer to have lunch or grab a cup of coffee. Although we see each other in the supermarket or at school functions, I don’t think you really ever knew me, actually, I can guarantee that you did not know me because just as my child was different, so was I.
I was in survival mode to keep my family in tact and to give my child the best quality of life possible.
I was presented with parental decisions that have torn me apart and kept me up more nights than I can possibly remember.
I had spent most days of the week at therapy and doctors appointments and most nights up researching treatments and medication options.
I was forced into isolation at times due to the stigma and misconceptions that are epidemic in our society.
I became proficient at prioritizing my life and learning to let the little things go, to look at others with compassion instead of tabloid material and to turn a blind eye to the stares or ignorant comments.
I did the best I could.
I survived.
I am one of the lucky ones, my child has blossomed and has exceeded all our expectations.
I have now become strong, I have become confident and I have become a fierce advocate for parents of special needs children. The growth did not come without much pain and many tears but it came.
So I ask you, please
The next time you see a parent struggling with a raging child, a child terrified to go into school, a child making odd movements or sounds, a child that seems to be in a world of their own…
.Be kind. Give a smile of recognition for what that parent is going through. Ask if there is anything you can do to help, give them a pat on the hand or offer for them to go ahead of you on line.
The next time you have a birthday party for your child remember that their child has a hard time with a lot of sensory issues and social situations. Please send their child that invitation and know that more times than not they will not be able to attend but appreciate being included. Understand that in order for their child to go to the party they may need to stay for a little while and please make them feel welcome. When they let you know that their child cannot make the party consider inviting that child for a one on one playdate or an outing at the park.
The next time you are grading homework papers please understand that their child struggles, some with learning disabilities others with the exhaustion of their disorders or the obsession with perfectionism. The Perfectionism is not necessarily to have the answers right but to have it “feel” right for them. They have spent hours doing what most can do in ten minutes. A paper returned with red circles and comments only hurts a child’s self esteem and causes school anxiety. Please understand that when they see the school come up on their caller ID their hearts sink, remember to tell them about all the gains their children are making as well as their deficits. Take a minute before that call and know that they appreciate all you do and want a collaborative relationship in their child’s education.
The next time you are in the teachers lounge, please do not discuss their child. Please do not make negative comments about their parenting or their child’s behavior, it gets back to them and it gets back to other parents in their community.
The next time you pass the cafeteria and see their child sitting alone please consider inviting that child to eat lunch in your classroom and be your helper that period. Consider working with a guidance counselor to set up a lunch buddy group in a different area.
The next time they are at the CSE meeting planning their chid’s IEP know that they are educated, informed and confident knowing special education law. Know that they have found the courage to stand up to conformity and will explore every option to give their child the differentiated educated that will show their gifts and not just their disabilities. Understand that educating a child with special needs is one of the most difficult tasks a parent can face, know that the last thing they want is an adversarial relationship. Please show them the same respect they show you.
The next time you are creating an educational plan please take into consideration that their child may have specific interests or obsessions. Foster those interests, instead of taking away that art class for a resource class consider adding an art class instead. Think outside the box, these parents do.
The next time you see that child in a wheelchair unable to speak or control their movements, don’t stare, don’t look away, say hello. Do not assume that because this child is nonverbal that they are not intelligent or do not understand the awkwardness that you feel. Take a moment out of your day to show kindness, support a parent enduring incredible pain and just give them a smile.
The next time your child comes home telling you how Johnny or Susie is so weird, take the time to teach about differences. Take the time to talk about compassion, acceptance and special needs. Please remember that your child learns from you. Be a role model, mirror respect and discourage gossip.
The next time you hear a comment about how out of style these kids are, educate about tactile sensitivities and the fact that these kids cannot tolerate many textures and fits. Imagine what it would feel like to have sandpaper in your stilettos or tight elastic holding on your tie.
The next time you see an out of control child do not assume it is bad parenting. Understand that many of these disorders have an organic basis, are biological and are real illnesses. When you hear the words mental illness, take out the “mental” and remember ”illness”.
Know that it is this generation that can stomp the stigma and create a world of acceptance.
The next time other parents are talking about “Those Kids” be our heroes, stand up for us.
The next time you see a special needs child know they are not just special in their needs but in their brilliance as well.
Take the time to meet our children. Take the time to know us.
AFTER POST: Thank you for the tremendous response to this writing and requests to post or share on your blogs, websites or educator sites. Feel free to copy in its exact form and use author credits to comply with copyright.
Posted by Marianne, Life Unexpected: Raising a Special Needs Child BLOG
To Whom it May Concern,
I am the parent of a special needs child. I was overwhelmed, confused, heart broken and struggling to unravel the complexities before me.
Please do not pass judgement of me without knowing why I did not attend the school PTA breakfasts or community picnics. Please take a few minutes to understand why I did not take you up on your offer to have lunch or grab a cup of coffee. Although we see each other in the supermarket or at school functions, I don’t think you really ever knew me, actually, I can guarantee that you did not know me because just as my child was different, so was I.
I was in survival mode to keep my family in tact and to give my child the best quality of life possible.
I was presented with parental decisions that have torn me apart and kept me up more nights than I can possibly remember.
I had spent most days of the week at therapy and doctors appointments and most nights up researching treatments and medication options.
I was forced into isolation at times due to the stigma and misconceptions that are epidemic in our society.
I became proficient at prioritizing my life and learning to let the little things go, to look at others with compassion instead of tabloid material and to turn a blind eye to the stares or ignorant comments.
I did the best I could.
I survived.
I am one of the lucky ones, my child has blossomed and has exceeded all our expectations.
I have now become strong, I have become confident and I have become a fierce advocate for parents of special needs children. The growth did not come without much pain and many tears but it came.
So I ask you, please
The next time you see a parent struggling with a raging child, a child terrified to go into school, a child making odd movements or sounds, a child that seems to be in a world of their own…
.Be kind. Give a smile of recognition for what that parent is going through. Ask if there is anything you can do to help, give them a pat on the hand or offer for them to go ahead of you on line.
The next time you have a birthday party for your child remember that their child has a hard time with a lot of sensory issues and social situations. Please send their child that invitation and know that more times than not they will not be able to attend but appreciate being included. Understand that in order for their child to go to the party they may need to stay for a little while and please make them feel welcome. When they let you know that their child cannot make the party consider inviting that child for a one on one playdate or an outing at the park.
The next time you are grading homework papers please understand that their child struggles, some with learning disabilities others with the exhaustion of their disorders or the obsession with perfectionism. The Perfectionism is not necessarily to have the answers right but to have it “feel” right for them. They have spent hours doing what most can do in ten minutes. A paper returned with red circles and comments only hurts a child’s self esteem and causes school anxiety. Please understand that when they see the school come up on their caller ID their hearts sink, remember to tell them about all the gains their children are making as well as their deficits. Take a minute before that call and know that they appreciate all you do and want a collaborative relationship in their child’s education.
The next time you are in the teachers lounge, please do not discuss their child. Please do not make negative comments about their parenting or their child’s behavior, it gets back to them and it gets back to other parents in their community.
The next time you pass the cafeteria and see their child sitting alone please consider inviting that child to eat lunch in your classroom and be your helper that period. Consider working with a guidance counselor to set up a lunch buddy group in a different area.
The next time they are at the CSE meeting planning their chid’s IEP know that they are educated, informed and confident knowing special education law. Know that they have found the courage to stand up to conformity and will explore every option to give their child the differentiated educated that will show their gifts and not just their disabilities. Understand that educating a child with special needs is one of the most difficult tasks a parent can face, know that the last thing they want is an adversarial relationship. Please show them the same respect they show you.
The next time you are creating an educational plan please take into consideration that their child may have specific interests or obsessions. Foster those interests, instead of taking away that art class for a resource class consider adding an art class instead. Think outside the box, these parents do.
The next time you see that child in a wheelchair unable to speak or control their movements, don’t stare, don’t look away, say hello. Do not assume that because this child is nonverbal that they are not intelligent or do not understand the awkwardness that you feel. Take a moment out of your day to show kindness, support a parent enduring incredible pain and just give them a smile.
The next time your child comes home telling you how Johnny or Susie is so weird, take the time to teach about differences. Take the time to talk about compassion, acceptance and special needs. Please remember that your child learns from you. Be a role model, mirror respect and discourage gossip.
The next time you hear a comment about how out of style these kids are, educate about tactile sensitivities and the fact that these kids cannot tolerate many textures and fits. Imagine what it would feel like to have sandpaper in your stilettos or tight elastic holding on your tie.
The next time you see an out of control child do not assume it is bad parenting. Understand that many of these disorders have an organic basis, are biological and are real illnesses. When you hear the words mental illness, take out the “mental” and remember ”illness”.
Know that it is this generation that can stomp the stigma and create a world of acceptance.
The next time other parents are talking about “Those Kids” be our heroes, stand up for us.
The next time you see a special needs child know they are not just special in their needs but in their brilliance as well.
Take the time to meet our children. Take the time to know us.
AFTER POST: Thank you for the tremendous response to this writing and requests to post or share on your blogs, websites or educator sites. Feel free to copy in its exact form and use author credits to comply with copyright.
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